When people think about divorce, they often picture a long courtroom battle. In reality, Missouri offers several paths that can help couples resolve their issues with less conflict, less time and less money. Mediation, collaborative divorce and legal separation each have a place, but each also comes with tradeoffs that are important to understand before you choose a direction. At Haefner Law Office in St. Louis, we help families sort through these options every day so they can make informed decisions for themselves and their children.
This article walks through how divorce mediation works in Missouri, when it may be skipped, how collaborative divorce works and where it can go wrong, and when a legal separation actually makes sense.
There are really two ways mediation tends to happen in a Missouri divorce. The first is in a contested case. When spouses cannot agree on the terms of their divorce, Missouri courts generally require a minimum of two hours with a family law mediator. Mediators come from an approved list of professionals who have completed additional training in family law mediation.
During mediation, both spouses sit down with the mediator and work toward an agreement. The best approach is to go in ready to negotiate and ready to make a deal, while also knowing which issues matter most to you and where you are not willing to move. That clarity helps everyone understand what is truly important to you.
Sometimes every issue gets resolved in mediation. Other times, only some issues are settled. Either way, the more you can get done in mediation, the better it is for your case, because every issue resolved at the table is one less issue a judge has to decide.
The second way mediation is used happens before a case is ever filed. Some couples want an uncontested divorce but still have a few issues they need guidance on. In those situations, mediation can be scheduled before filing. This has an added benefit: if the couple later cannot agree and the case becomes contested, the two hour mediation requirement has already been satisfied.
Although mediation is generally required in Missouri dissolution cases, there are situations where it may not be appropriate. The most important is domestic violence. Mediation only works when both people can negotiate on equal footing, and a person who is afraid of what might happen to them cannot bargain fairly. In those cases, pushing forward with mediation does not serve anyone.
There are also cases where it is clear that mediation would not be productive. When that happens, your attorney can ask the court to waive the requirement. By and large, though, you should expect to complete two hours of mediation in a contested Missouri divorce. If your divorce is uncontested, mediation is typically not required.
Mediation can help you avoid a lengthy and costly contested divorce, and the choice of mediator matters. A family law mediator understands Missouri family law and has a sense of how judges are likely to rule on common issues. That perspective can be extremely helpful when spouses are stuck on a disagreement, because the mediator can offer realistic guidance about what would probably happen if the issue went before a judge.
One of the most common disagreements in mediation is child support. Many couples spend time arguing over what the number should be without realizing that Missouri uses a set calculation. A few figures go into the formula, and it produces the child support amount. Understanding that one fact can take a major point of conflict off the table.
There is always some give and take in mediation. Even if you cannot resolve everything, settling as much as possible is almost always worthwhile. Taking only a few issues before the court is far simpler, and usually far less expensive, than litigating every part of your divorce.
Collaborative divorce is another option for couples who want to avoid court. In a collaborative divorce, before anyone files, each spouse hires an attorney and both sides work to settle all issues. The attorneys negotiate back and forth with the goal of reaching an agreement that both spouses can live with. If they succeed, the case can proceed as a quick uncontested divorce, with everyone signing off before it is submitted to the court.
However, collaborative divorce comes with an important catch. If the process breaks down and disagreements remain, neither attorney can continue representing their client. Both spouses must go out, hire new attorneys and essentially start over from scratch.
That rule is meant to create a strong incentive to settle, but it can also be abused. When one spouse has significantly more financial resources than the other, the wealthier spouse may be able to absorb the cost of starting over with a new attorney while the other spouse cannot. The spouse with fewer resources may struggle to afford another attorney and get them up to speed on the case. This imbalance can put real pressure on the less advantaged spouse.
For that reason, anyone considering collaborative divorce should first talk with a family law attorney about whether it is a good fit for their family and their financial situation.
Missouri also allows legal separation, which is often misunderstood. A legal separation does not simply mean that spouses stop living together. It is a formal legal process that includes all the same steps as a divorce. Property division, child custody, maintenance and child support are all addressed. The difference is that at the end of a legal separation, you are still married.
Converting a legal separation into a divorce later is relatively easy and not especially expensive. Still, legal separation is usually not the most efficient route. It generally costs just as much as a divorce, and you will still need to return to court to finalize the divorce if that is your eventual goal.
There is one situation where legal separation can be very valuable: health insurance. Many employer health plans allow a spouse to remain covered as long as the couple is still married. When one spouse depends on the other’s health insurance, a legal separation can resolve all the other issues of the marriage while preserving that coverage.
This can also be a useful point in negotiations, helping ensure that a spouse continues to receive medical coverage. When the time comes to convert the separation into a divorce, the process is straightforward. It is simply an extra step that has to be taken.
Every family’s situation is different. For some couples, mediation before filing leads to a fast uncontested divorce. For others, mediation during a contested case narrows the issues and saves money. Collaborative divorce may work well for spouses on equal financial footing, while legal separation may be the right choice when health insurance is on the line.
The key is understanding how each option works in Missouri and what it will realistically cost you in time, money and stress. Haefner Law Office provides flat rate divorce and family law services in St. Louis, so you can make these decisions with clear guidance and predictable costs.