The Do’s and Dont’s of Divorce

Since a divorce will affect you for the rest of your life, it’s important that you do everything you can to ensure the final results are something you can live with, and that set the stage for a new and better chapter of your life. Whether you’re just beginning to consider ending your marriage or you’re already deep in the process, the decisions you make now will echo for years. Here are the key do’s and don’ts of divorce that every Missouri spouse should keep in mind.

Don’t Get Divorced for the Wrong Reasons

Make sure you’re getting divorced for the correct motives. People change over time. Communication in a marriage can break down, and things like finances and children can come between couples. Getting a divorce is not going to solve these issues and can often make the stress even worse. Seek counseling if there’s a slim chance your marriage can be salvaged. Frequently, people believe that if you just move on from your partner you’ll be happier, but there may be an underlying reason to your unhappiness that’s not related to your partner at all. An experienced marriage counselor can frequently help you solve marriage difficulties collectively or separately.

If you’ve already worked through counseling and come to the conclusion that divorce is the right step, that’s a different story entirely. The point is simply to make sure the decision is deliberate and well-considered, not reactive. Divorce is a major legal and financial undertaking, and entering it with clarity of purpose helps you navigate it more effectively.

Do Talk About the Divorce

If you’re on good terms with your partner, discuss the divorce openly and honestly. If you’re able to agree on the major issues without the need for attorney negotiations or court intervention, you may qualify for an uncontested divorce. Going through an uncontested divorce can significantly reduce your stress, as well as save you a substantial amount of money in legal fees and court costs.

If you have kids, an amicable approach can be considerably easier for them, both during and after the divorce. Keeping conflict low and communication open between you and your spouse sets a tone of cooperation that pays dividends when it comes to co-parenting down the road.

Do Get to Know Your Divorce Lawyer

Every divorce lawyer has her or his own way of doing things. Make certain their approach allows you to protect your best interests during and after the divorce. Some divorce lawyers offer a consultation to allow you to get to know the attorney and determine if they’re a good fit for your situation. An aggressive divorce lawyer may be exactly what you need if your ex is fighting with you and making things difficult. On the other hand, if things are amicable between you and your partner, you may want a lawyer who takes a much less adversarial approach.

It’s also worth asking about fee structures upfront. At Haefner Law Office, we offer flat rate pricing so clients know exactly what they’re paying before the process begins, with no surprise bills along the way.

Don’t Neglect Communicating with Your Children

Speak with your children about the divorce if they are old enough to understand it. Enlist relatives and friends to help you and your family, and seek professional help or support groups for children of divorce. Frequently, you and your ex will understand why you’re getting a divorce, but it can be quite confusing for your kids. Stay positive and don’t go into an excessive amount of detail. Burdening children with adult information about the reasons for the divorce can cause relationship problems, trust issues, and lasting emotional difficulties later in life.

You also want to make sure you never assign blame to the other parent, even if you feel that way. This is easily the fastest way to reduce your custody time, as Missouri courts have little patience for children being dragged into the middle of adult disputes. For more guidance on this topic, see our dedicated post on talking to kids about divorce.

Do Protect Your Financial Interests Early

One of the most common mistakes spouses make during divorce is being too passive about finances. From the moment divorce becomes a realistic possibility, you should take stock of the full picture: joint bank accounts, retirement accounts, real estate, debts, and any assets held solely in your name or your spouse’s name.

A few practical steps to take early:

• Gather copies of financial documents, including tax returns, mortgage statements, bank statements, and retirement account summaries.
• Open a bank account in your own name if you don’t already have one.
• Monitor joint accounts for unusual activity or large withdrawals.
• Avoid making major financial decisions, like taking on new debt or liquidating assets, without legal guidance.

Missouri is an equitable distribution state, which means marital property is divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Understanding what’s on the table before negotiations begin puts you in a much stronger position. If children are involved, you’ll also want to familiarize yourself with how child support is calculated under Missouri law, since financial decisions and support obligations are closely linked.

Don’t Make Major Life Changes Mid-Process

It can be tempting to start fresh immediately: move to a new city, start dating, or make big purchases to reclaim a sense of independence. However, making significant life changes while your divorce is still pending can complicate the case in ways you don’t anticipate.

Relocating out of Missouri or even to a new county while custody arrangements are unresolved can create serious legal complications. Large purchases or new debts may be factored into the marital estate. And introducing a new romantic partner before the divorce is final, especially in households with children, can influence custody proceedings and co-parenting dynamics in ways that are difficult to walk back.

The general rule is straightforward: keep your life as stable as possible until the legal process is complete. Once the divorce is finalized and the dust has settled, you’ll have a clear runway to build the life you want.

Do Consider Mediation as an Alternative

If you and your spouse are willing to work together but still need structure and guidance to reach agreements, divorce mediation is worth serious consideration. A trained mediator helps both parties negotiate the terms of the divorce, including property division, custody, and support, without the cost and adversarial nature of full litigation.

Mediated divorces are often faster, less expensive, and less emotionally draining than contested proceedings. They also tend to produce outcomes that both parties actually feel invested in, which makes post-divorce compliance far more likely. You can learn more about how this option works on our mediated divorce page.

Don’t Rely on Social Media During Your Divorce

This is advice that might seem obvious but continues to create real problems for divorcing spouses: be extremely careful about what you post on social media during your divorce. Photos, comments, and check-ins can all be used as evidence in custody or property disputes.

A post showing a lavish vacation while claiming financial hardship in court, or photos from a night out that call your parenting judgment into question, can seriously undermine your position. It’s best to limit social media use during the divorce entirely, or at minimum, review your privacy settings and think carefully before posting anything that touches on your finances, lifestyle, or relationships.

Do Make a Plan for Life After Divorce

Divorce is not just a legal process. It’s a major life transition that affects housing, finances, parenting schedules, and daily routines. Spouses who take time to think through the practical realities of life after divorce tend to adjust more quickly and effectively.

Consider questions like: Where will you live? How will childcare and school pickup be managed under a new parenting schedule? Will you need to return to work or adjust your career plans? Do you need to update your estate plan, insurance beneficiaries, or tax filing status?

Our frequently asked questions page covers many of the common practical concerns people have as they move through the divorce process, and is a good starting point for anyone who isn’t sure what to expect.

Planning Your Next Steps

Divorce is never easy, but making informed and deliberate decisions at every step gives you the best chance of coming through it in a position of stability and clarity. Avoiding common mistakes, communicating clearly with your children, understanding your financial picture, and working with an attorney who fits your specific situation all make a meaningful difference in how the process unfolds and what life looks like on the other side.

For more information about divorce in Missouri, contact Haefner Law Office today for a consultation by calling (314) 200-6101.