Once upon a time, the Court gave Mommys the kids most of the time and Daddys got the kids every other weekend.
If you were lucky, you might get your kid on Wednesdays to take them to dinner so you could remember what they looked like.
And of course, dad had to pay mom child support, and perhaps some maintenance/alimony to keep the household afloat.
Newsflash: Those days are gone.
It’s a whole new world out there and being a man or a woman rarely gets you an advantage anymore in divorce or child custody cases.
I have had just as much success getting Fathers the children primarily as I have had with Mothers.
The mindset that children need to be with their mothers more than their fathers has been debunked many times over, and research has shown that the best chance a kid has as an adult is to have both parents extremely involved in their lives.
The only time that I have really seen where gender has come into play is when a mother is breastfeeding the child, but even that is going away.
I have had more than one Judge say that there is more evidence that dad needs to be involved than there is that formula will harm a child.
I have also heard that if mom feels that breastfeeding is so important, she can pump so dad can use the milk at his home.
(Note: before I get hate mail, this is just what I have literally been told. Don’t blame me, I am just sharing the information, and no I do not want studies about breast milk vs. formula – that argument was tried and failed miserably)
The Court, at least in Missouri, tends to award a 50/50 plan for parents. In fact, if they do not give equal time, they must state a reason for it in the Judgement.
The plan that I have seen work best is the 2-2-5-5 schedule, where Parent A has the children every Monday and Tuesday overnight, and Parent B has the children every Wednesday and Thursday overnight.
They then alternate who gets the kids for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday overnight. So each parent has the kids for two nights, then the next time is for five nights.
This makes planning a lot easier, as you know exactly what night you will have the children. It is also easier on the children as they know that on X days they go to mom or dad’s house.
The same is true when it comes to child support and maintenance.
I get men child support and/or maintenance all of the time.
There is no rule that men cannot get support from women.
This comes down to who makes the most money, and that varies on a case-by-case basis.
So if you hear a guy say he got screwed because he is a man or a woman claim she lost because the Judge hates women, it’s more likely he lost because of other reasons (perhaps a lack of accountability for their actions).
Go into this with your eyes wide open and know that your gender has significantly less to do with your case then your actions and income do.